I want to tell more about migraine and especially the impact on someone’s life, in this case my life.
There is still much unknown about what migraine is, not only in the medical world, for many it’s unclear.
Migraine is often written off as a headache and therefore many patients are seen as posers. ?
I want to give migraine a voice and raise awareness about it. ??
First things first, I have a wonderful life, a fantastic husband and loving friends. I live in a beautiful house, we have a full fridge, two cars and every year we’re going on vacation. I lead a luxurious life and I realize it. ?
I don’t look sick, something I often hear. At home I love to walk around in my pj’s, but generally I’ll do my best to look decent.
What people don’t see is that, most of the time, I’m not living, I’m surviving. The migraine defines my life and I need to settle with it.
My migraines started around puberty. I had a goal in mind, dreams to own a business, but due to my limitations, I lost one job after another, always because of my absence.
I understand the employers, that’s not it, but the fact you know what you can, but physically can’t do, is beyond frustrating. ?
I ended up studying again, hoping to find a job that I could keep up with physically, but history repeated itself and I’m back home, again.. ?
My physical symptoms, in particular the migraines, know different periods, from weeks not being able to do anything, to weeks feeling quite fine.
What doesn’t mean everything is alright, unfortunately my body always aches, but it’s bearable during the better periods. ?
I understand it’s confusing for everyone around me, it’s just as confusing for me.
During the good periods, there’s always the hope ‘I’m cured’ which makes my future a little brighter.
When a bad period arrives, it messes with my head not only literally, it messes with my mind as well. I want to do so much, I have so many ideas and interests, but I can’t do any of it. ? All I can do is lay down and wait for the storm to pass.
The past few weeks the migraine was the center of my life again, that’s why I want to raise awareness about the impact of migraine.
It is a big part of my life and unfortunately, I’m not the only one.
Last weekend I had a terrible migraine. It started Friday around noon and after a lot of medication, including morphine, it lasted till Sunday. ?
Migraine is not just a headache, mine can get through morphine. The pain is so violent you think your skull will explode. ?
I can’t see straight and just a small amount of light can make the pain worse. I am very sensitive to odors, it makes me nauseous. Vomiting is something that comes often with migraine, which is terrible, because you want to remain as still as possible, just the movement of a blanket can be painful or create a wave of nausea. ?
Some people tend to be a bit shocked, when I tell them migraine is a suicidal headache. ☠
I’m far from suicidal, but migraine can make me pretty desperate, it is I don’t have any energy to move at all.
These moments are so painful, I would do anything to stop the pain. Chop my head off or stab a fork in my skull, are some thoughts. ?⛏
More than once I’ve taken too much medication and it’s actually a miracle that I’m still here, ? I didn’t take too much on purpose, I was just desperate to stop the pain.
Medication to prevent or relieve migraine is a quest, I’ve tried pretty much all and in my case most did as good as nothing.
Currently Relpax, an eletriptan (triptans are the medications prescribed to relieve migraine) is the only medicine which helps me, if I take it on the right time and not too often, what’s difficult to determine. When you use triptans too often, you can provoke migraine. ?
Very occasionally aspirin can help with a light headache, but in my case many times a light headache becomes migraine.
Migraine can arise within an hour from nowhere, I can wake up in the morning or at night with it or it starts in the middle of the day.
This is why I always have reservations making appointments, there’s a chance I have to cancel.
Migraine even travels with me everywhere I go. ✈
By ignorance and misunderstanding, I lost many friends and I cherish the people that are still with me. ?
Migraine is not only the attack itself, the aftermath is just as terrible.
During migraine you’re deathly ill. The pain eats away your energy, medications have side-effects and they leave their residue. ?
After a heavy attack I really need a day or two to recover, it depends how long the migraine lasted and how intense it was.
The last few weeks I’ve had at least 2 attacks per week (sometimes even more), in which the migraine itself lasted a day or more as well as the recovery. That’s 4 to 5 days a week I’m spending in bed, what makes my life a little less fun. ?
Pain in your knee can also be terrible, pain is personal, but with a headache or migraine you can’t do anything. Watching tv, listening to music or reading is a hell for your skull, so you’re literally waiting until you’re back in the land of the living. ?
Hubby is more than wonderful and I can’t wish for a better man. ?
I’m not the easiest person to live with and besides that, he is also a victim of my migraines, although he never complains.
The mental impact is the hardest I think.
It would break my heart to hear him say, nothing matters anymore and that when he is dead, he no longer has a headache. Things I tell him and mean at the time, as I said, the pain can make you desperate. ?
During the bad periods, it feels like I failed as his wife.
My household is something I just can keep up with in bad times and not the way I’d like to, only the main things.
I cook in large portions, which I freeze, so during bad days we always have a decent meal. ?
But sometimes I’ve had such bad weeks that even the freezer is empty.
Hubby has a busy job and on a regularly base he comes home in a messy house, where there’s no food and finds his wife in bed. ? He knows I’m really sick, but a non-working, non-studying and also being a bad house wife, gives me the feeling of failure. ?
One of Proudweirdo’s beliefs is – don’t compare yourself with others – something I do too much, which limits me and that’s something I want to spare others. ?
Tv and especially social media gives us labels.
We all need a (good) job, a nice house, children, a dog an orchestra, whatever. ?
We keep our mouths shut about our uncertainties, often due to fear for another label. I did and still do this. (Told ya I’m my own pupil.. ?)
I don’t want pity, I don’t want to be seen as a nag, though it is occasionally nice to nag, but fuck it, this is not a little thing.
There are world-wide about 1 billion people with migraine, I am writing this for them too. ?
I want to encourage people to be themselves, the positive ánd the negative things included, so I have to lead by example. ?
Taboo breaking and creating awareness is something I find important, so with this; the other side of me.
My life is literally black and white.
(Nothing racist, literally, I’m a half-blood. ??)