This is one of my talents and I hope to write about it, I can make someone laugh.
I can’t walk normally and that’s the least embarrassing, I think.
People may think I’m constantly drunk and it’s not that crazy considering I stumble over my own feet and bump against all sorts of things on a daily base.
When I’m alone my clumsiness isn’t that embarrassing, but in company I would like to disappear sometimes. ?
Knock over your drink can happen to anybody, throw it over your plate of food can happen to someone else too, I think, but knock the glass over in such a way that it breaks and now your plate is full of juice and pieces of glass, is quite a sport. ?
Just like trying to stop it from falling, with a little too much enthusiasm, making a tsunami effect and thus more damage, than if I had just let it fall. Unfortunately, this happens often when I’m with very tidy people.
My life is full of embarrassing things, which now makes me laugh, fortunately.
Do you know the strange little dance, when someone wants to pass you and you don’t know which side you have to go to, so you’re swinging from the left to the right and waiting for the other one to pass you?? This happens to me often in a store. I usually start to laugh, because I know it looks freaking funny, but in my case, my laugh is sometimes a weird sound, no longer recognizable as a laugh and I feel even more uncomfortable and creating the impression I’m a big idiot. ?
One of my habits, thinking out loud, can also be embarrassing. I know more people do so, but I also swear out loud. Not against others, but more generally when something doesn’t work the way I want it to. Frustration-swearing more or less. ?
Thanks to the kids in my life, I’m pretty aware my use of language seriously needs attention. I’m working on it, but still my profanities are far from acceptable, although they are really unique.
Perenpiemel (translation peardick) is the most famous I think. I also growl and nowadays I added some hissing, like a cat.
This is not harmful to children, (The children that already know me, I should add.) and it helps me relieving some frustration.
In a store people try to stay away from me, because of my strange laugh, but the growling and hissing makes it even worse. ?
Another embarrassing moment.
In a room full of people sneezing and almost shitting yourself. ?
Try it, hold in a fart while you have to sneeze, I don’t think a lot of people can do it and besides that, I don’t think it’s good for the inner tubes. ?
Like myself, my intestines are not from this planet, the amount of sound they produce is just bizarre. I am talking about the digestive process or whatever they are doing.
The sound is similar to a heavy metal band and it’s not possible to turn it off.
At these moment I’m seriously afraid to sneeze, who knows the band wants to performance live. ?
My speech defect is also something really me.
Sometimes during a conversation I suddenly no longer know what I wanted to tell, or even worse I forget how to talk.
My lower jaw starts to move in a strange way and all you hear is a very vague stutter, which makes me look like a total nutjob, which isn’t completely untrue.
Besides the fact I often talk too much, I talk too fast, that is why my jaw stops working sometimes, I think he needs a break. ?
When I manage to talk without vague attacks, I have the talent of ruining a language and create my own, like proverbs or sayings, I sort of refresh them.
At hubby’s work I always try to behave myself, try yep, it doesn’t work the way I want to, but the intentions are there, though.
There was a time when I was talking to a couple of his colleagues when I quite spontaneously said;
“Oh well, the dog can do the laundry.”
I have to explain a little, because this isn’t easy to translate in English.
The proverb is actually ‘A kid can do the laundry’ meaning something like easy peasy,
It took a while before I noticed I said something wrong, I’m used to people looking at me like I’m E.T. ?
Last weekend I managed to do it again, this time with friends luckily.
“Such as the dog, he trusts his guests.” Which had to be ‘Such as the host, he trust his guests.’
Comparable to ‘Ill doers are ill deemers’ I think.
I love dogs, maybe that’s it.
I believe it’s clear now why I’m calling myself Proudweirdo. ?